Dating after Divorce

When you get married, divorce isn't exactly something that crosses your mind. You are both in your happy place and you just don’t think it’s ever going to happen to you. You plan your wedding, celebrate with family and friends and share all of this with the person you think is ‘the one’. Newlyweds feel indestructible because, at that point in your relationship, the thought of ever being apart is just ‘unthinkable’.  

The sad reality is that more couples go through a divorce than ever before. Some of those couples have been together for years, some only ever being with that one person. So when the ‘D’ word gets mentioned and your partnership slowly breaks down, one of the things that you start to worry about when the dust settles is meeting someone new.  

If you have come out of a long-term relationship or marriage, this can be really daunting. There was a time when you thought you would never have to date again and now here you are, looking to meet new people. You get comfortable when you have been in a long term relationship, you think you both know each other inside out. When you go on your first date with new people you are filled with all sorts of feelings and emotions. (see First Date Nerves)

There are so many reasons that lead to divorce. Financial issues are a common factor, the lack of compatibility in the financial arena is heavily to blame rather than actual lack of money. Different priorities and interests is another way relationships can break down. Having mutual hobbies to enjoy and share with a partner keeps the connection. Common interests are a way to spend quality time together. Other issues like the inability to resolve problems without resenting one another, or not being able to compromise are also very damaging. 

Statistically though, the most common reason for divorce is when a partner is unfaithful. If your previous partner was unfaithful and the cause of your divorce or break up, when it comes to dating someone new, trust is a huge factor.  It’s only natural to feel weary and the biggest reason for this is that you are trying to protect yourself from being hurt again.

When I found out my ex husband had been unfaithful, I felt a great sense of mistrust. All of a sudden, you are face to face with someone you thought you knew and trusted and they let you down. Unfortunately, that sets up the majority of people with a fear of trusting anyone again. You face the challenge of trusting others. 

When you are ready to take that first step into the dating world, you have to look at new people with new eyes. When you go on a date, you need to think, “this person was not the cause of my failed relationships”. It can be hard but it will be a much more enjoyable experience for the both of you if you take down a little bit of your wall. You will soon learn that not everyone is the same. Stepping into your past can damage the future. You must take each day at a time and embrace the present.  

They call it a fresh start for a reason. It's your opportunity to find someone you can connect with in a positive way. Someone you can share memories with and someone you can trust. Taking all of the negatives that caused your breakup and turning them into a positive,  learning from them to build a stronger, happier union. At the time of my divorce and broken relationships, I didn't think I would find peace with love, but it came and as cliche as it sounds, i'm the happiest I've ever been. 

Teresa MasciaComment